


How to properly love?

by vanishmentthisworld



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, Fluff and Angst, I still don't know, M/M, Poor Yuuri, Unrequited Love, getting back together or not??, viktor is a mess, yuuri is tired of viktor's shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:42:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishmentthisworld/pseuds/vanishmentthisworld
Summary: Sometimes you have to lose the love you've been given in order to learn how to properly love. Just hope that once you learn, it is not too late to chase what you've taken for granted. Cause not everybody can take back what they once have.or in which Yuuri is tired of giving Viktor everything he have and not receiving anything he knows he deserve. Viktor will learn his lesson in a hard way and will have to fight for another chance.ahh I really suck at writing summary. I tried and I failed hahaha.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Its my first time to write a story so please forgive my mistakes. I'm just bored and in need of a new hobby so I decided to try and write a fanfic of my otp. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. This is just a prologue btw. Just a little introductory part.

Hi everyone! I'm yuuri and I am currently waiting for my 'supposedly' boyfriend to come home while lounging in the couch and scrolling my instagram. Upon scrolling I suddenly pause and look intently to the latest post of my suppose to be boyfriend. Ahh, I guess he wouldn't be home tonight ha. I let out a heavy sigh and stand up to go to the bedroom to lay there, suddenly feeling tired. The post of my supposedly boyfriend is a photo of him kissing a good looking dude in a bar. He have that look he always have that clearly speaks sex.

Victor, my supposedly boyfriend has always been a playboy. We got together a year ago, i love him very much and he says he love me too, but i don't really know now if its true. We met at a bar and start as a friend, I know his reputation and I don't really intend to have a relationship with him though I must say that I have a big crush on him. I mean look at him! Just really look at him, he is georgeous, charming and so so hot. Its perfectly normal to admire him and no human can argue with that. Well, after a long while of being friends and getting to know each other, we grew closer and closer to each other. We started dating but still not became an official couple after a few months because I was doubtful if he can really commit himself to me and forget his old ways. However, I eventually give in to his persuasion and we officially became lovers

Our relationship was sweet, fluffy and sexy. It was everything I wish for and more. We decided to live together after 3 months and everything was great. I learn more about viktor, his quirks and all the things only a partner would know about you. Viktor can be childish, forgetful, clingy, dramatic and most of the time extra. But he is also sweet, kind, caring, adorable, passionate and above all he loves poodle. The last one was the most important trait he have, well at least for me it is. I was happy and content and I started to think of forever and all those shits that people in relationship fantasize about. Although sometimes I was anxious and overthinking things which always make me to be depressed. But vikor was always there, loving and supporting me all the way.

However, after 6 months of being in relationship, viktor started to flirt with other people. At first, I didn't confront him and tried not to overthink things. Thinking that it is just him being his charming self....and I also didn't want to be the annoying jealous boyfriend that don't trust their partner. But after I saw him making out with some dude at a bar, I finally confront him. We argue and it turns out that he's been cheating on me for a while. I shout, cry and curse. Its a total mess. I was a total mess. We broke up that same night. After a week of crying and moping in the apartment of my best friend I eventually went out and retrieved my things on our shared apartment. I didn't saw him for a month until I went to a bar and there we met again. I was drunk and the next thing I know I was at his bedroom, naked and sore. We talked the morning after our rendezvous and I realized how deeply inlove I am to him. We got back together and our relationship become complicated caused while at first viktor tried to be faithful to me, he eventually went back to his old self. It hurts and I confronted him but I didn't break up with him. Cause I want to give us a chance. I knew that he loves me and I want to believe in that love I see in his eyes. I don't want to give up on us and I was determined to fight for the both of us. I hope that if I show him how much I love and care for him, he will eventually change for the better. Afterall, love is a powerful force right?

I am stupidly in love to him and I was really convinced that there is a hope for us. But now staring at our ceiling, thinking how this day is our anniversary and my suppose to be boyfriend is not here with me, probably in the middle of sex with some other guy...I just suddenly feel so tired. Tired of hoping. Tired of fighting. Tired of being stupid. Tired of being in love. Tired of giving everything and still not being enough. So, I ask myself as I lay in our bed, is it worth it? How long does I have to wait for viktor to meet me in the middle? I feel pity for myself. I am tired of feeling lonely and my heart ache so much, I wonder how long it could last.

Suddenly I whisper to myself, 'I just want to be happy'. 

'I want to be happy!', I shouted this time as if I am trying to wake myself up. And as a single tear run through my cheecks, I sighed and think that it's time to end this. It is time to stop and give myself a break. I need to love myself more and give more importance on my well being. So I closed my eyes and let my tears flow as I think of viktors face, his smiles, his laugh and his hugs and kisses. Thinking that tomorrow would be the last time that I would be able to look at those blue eyes and stroke those silver hair. How it will be the last time that I would be able to feel his warmth makes something inside me break and more tears come out of my eyes. It hurts so damn much but I know that I need to do this, for my sake and maybe for viktor as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Viktor let’s end this.’ I said to him gently but firmly. I could see the confusion, then realization, then shock, and then sadness flash in Viktor eyes. And I think I hear my heart break in that exact moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! thank you for those who give time and read my first work. And to those who appreciate it, double thank you to you. I will try my best and give you a good story guys but if I make a mistake please excuse me. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter everyone. hug and kisses (^_^)V

I woke up feeling that someone is hugging me from behind. Ahh…so viktor came back ha. He always came back to me after his escapades. He never sleep with his conquest for the night and whatever time they finish, no matter how late it is, he always come back to me. Maybe that’s one of the reason why my hope for our relationship and for him never dies.

I know that I will always be special to him and I will always be his home, his sanctuary. But it is not enough, it was never enough. So as I lay there on my side, feeling his breath on my nape, I keep thinking how this will be the last time that I will be able to have this. I close my eyes and let myself indulge on this moment and commit this on my memory cause no matter how much I love him, I still need to end this.

I will end this before my love for him become hate and disgust. I know that sooner or later I will no longer be able to bear all this pain. The jealousy, the sadness and all the negative emotion I am feeling will slowly drown me. It will slowly transform all the love I feel and the many precious memories we have into something ugly and despicable. And I don’t want that. This love that we share is the most beautiful thing that happened to me. Our love story, no matter how short, is still a fairytale come true to me. And if I can’t make it last, at least I could protect it, so that someday, I could look back on our story with a smile on my lips.

I slowly detached myself on Viktor’s hug and go to the kitchen so that I can grab a water and a medicine for hangover. I bring the water and medicine to the bedroom and put it on our bedside table. Then I sit on our bed watching Viktor’s sleeping face. 

I touch his face and stroke his hair. Staring at him and thinking how beautiful and precious he is. My heart aches for the love that I have for him. And no matter how our story ended, I know that I will never regret meeting and loving this man. He give me something I never know I could have and more. He will always have a part of my heart and I could never have it back.

I kiss his forehead gently, then his close eyes, his cheeks, his chin and lastly, his lips.

‘I love you.’ I whisper to him, even though I know that he cannot hear me.

‘I love you so much and I don’t know if I will ever stop loving you. But I am also tired and hurt and I think, I cannot do this anymore.’ I say gently to him as if he is awake. I can feel my tears running down my cheeks slowly and I let it fall on our bed.  
‘Aishiteru yo Vitya and I’m sorry but I will have to let you go.’ I kiss him one more time on the lips, stare some more to him and slowly stand up.

~ After 1 hour ~

I am at the couch, sitting and reading a book when someone hug me from behind and kiss my cheek.

‘Good morning my Yuuri.’ Viktor greeted me and I turn to look at him.

‘Thank you for the water and medicine moya Iyubov, I love you very much.’ Viktor said cheerfully with that heart shape smile of his.

‘You’re welcome Vitya and I love you too.’ I smile gently to him and let him hug me again.

I already pack all my clothes and things in my suitcases and it is already in the front door. I just don’t want to leave Viktor without a proper closure so I decided to wait for him to wake up. I also call Phichit, my bestfriend, to tell him that I would crash to his house for a while and he give me an okay. Everything is prepared for my leaving, everything except my heart.

I don’t really want to do this but it is needed to be done. I just can’t do this anymore and I hope that Viktor love me enough to understand me. God, this will be really hard and I can already feel my heart beat faster and faster. I can also feel my tears slowly pooling in my eyes as I stare in Viktor's beautiful blue eyes with so much love in them. But love is not enough and I know that I have to be strong to do this. So I close my eyes and stare at Viktor with all seriousness and determination.

‘Viktor let’s end this.’ I said to him gently but firmly. I could see the confusion, then realization, then shock, and then sadness flash in Viktor eyes. And I think I hear my heart break in that exact moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter is kinda short but I will try and make the next chapter longer. But I hope you are able to enjoy it nonetheless. bye bye for now. hug and kisses (^_^)V


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this very late update but I have been so busy with life recently and I can't find time to type this chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update though I am not really sure about this one.

‘Viktor let’s end this.’ I said to him gently but firmly. I could see the confusion, then realization, then shock, and then sadness flash in Viktor eyes. And I think I hear my heart break in that exact moment. 

Viktor just stare at me with wide eyes. Full of confusion and pain, looking lost and in denial. I slowly exhale the breathe I unconsciously hold in and look at him straight in the eyes, trying to look strong but failing.

‘Let’s end this, Viktor. Our relationship I mean.’ I said again and I can see how Viktor lips start to tremble. He take a deep breath and exhale as if he is trying to calm his self. 

We are now standing in front of each other with the couch in our middle. We look at each other for a moment, I can feel the tension in the air and it is really suffocating. But I can’t waver now, our relationship is not healthy and even if we love each other it is not enough. I’ve been fighting and hoping for so long while Viktor do what he wants to do without giving a single damn.

‘I don’t understand Yuuri. Why would you say that? Fuck…Did you see my post on Instagram? I swear I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing. Please this will be the last time. Just please…don’t do this moya Iyubov. I love you.’ Viktor said with pleading eyes. 

‘Viktor, why don’t we sit first before we talk’ I said instead of addressing his questions. This would be a long talk and I can already feel my knees getting weak with all the emotions I am feeling. 

We sit far from each other, both on the opposite side of the couch. I sigh and turn to look at Viktor and he is staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. I smile sadly at him and I can feel my hands trembling slightly.

‘Viktor, this is not just because of that. I am just so tired of all of this. I have given you everything I could ever give to you. All the love, the trust, the time, the effort and chances I could ever give to you and this relationship, I already gave. You always say you love me but you always go and chase the first pretty face you could find. The number of times you promise that you will change is the same number of times you broke that promise. But because I am stupidly and helplessly in love to you, I always forgive you. I always believe and hope that you will change. That this is just another challenge in our relationship that we need to overcome together. And I fight and fight and keep pushing and I realize I was the only one fighting.’ I pause and take a deep breath.

‘Yuuri I-‘Viktor started to say but I raise my hand to signal that I am still not done with my piece.

‘Did you know that it was our anniversary yesterday? I waited for you, thinking how we can celebrate it together. I even mark our calendar so you can see it and be reminded of the day but where are you? Do you know how I feel when I saw that photo? I felt disappointed, devastated and bleary. I just know that I can’t do this anymore. My love for you is starting to turn into hate and I don’t want that. So before we end with a hateful ending and the memory we shared become tainted with hate, anger and loneliness, I decided to end this. I love you and I don’t know if I will ever find someone I could love more than you but sometimes love is not enough. You always say that you love me but I see you with other man and I doubt if you ever mean it. So I’m sorry Viktor but please let’s end this.’ I finish my piece and I feel that I was able to take out all the negative feelings that I am keeping inside.

‘Is this what you really want Yuuri? Can’t we try again? Can’t you give us a second chance? Please I love you and it is really true. I am sorry for all the things I did and I want you to know how much I regret it. I am sorry if I forgot our anniversary. I am sorry for cheating and breaking my promises. I swear if you just give me one more chance, I would do this right. Please moya Iyubov….Yuuri…please stay close to me.’ Viktor said to me with tears running in his cheeks. He is crying and it is the first time I have ever see him with so much emotion in his eyes.

But I know that I can’t stay by his side anymore. I need to leave him because being with Viktor is slowly killing me inside. Maybe we both need this, to find ourselves and internalized all our choices that lead us to this. So that we can learn from all that and try to improve ourselves. This decision I selfishly make is not just for me but for Viktor as well. I always think that if you really love someone, you will do everything and anything to make them better even if you have to let them go. I know that what he needed is a wake-up call and if letting him go can knock some sense into him then I will gladly do it. 

I steel myself and give Viktor a pained smile, filled with love. I watch his blue eyes filled with tears and staring at me with so much emotion. I watch his lips tremble and his hands shaking. We are staring at each other and I let my tears fall also. I want to remember this moment because it may be the last time that I would be able to with him. So I indulge myself to delay the inevitable for a minute and let us have this moment. After a minute or so, I slowly close the distance between us and hold Viktor hands tightly. I bring it to my lips and kiss it gently. I look at him and start to speak.

‘Viktor, I love you and you have to know that meeting you is the most beautiful thing that ever happen to me. But I know that you know that we can’t go on like this. Our relationship is not healthy and I have to be honest that I am starting to have doubts and I am just so tired to go on. I know you think that I am being selfish but you have to understand that I am not just doing this for my sake but for you as well. I’m sorry Viktor. I love you but let’s end this. Goodbye.’

I kiss his lips one more time and stand up to leave. But before I could take my first step I feel him grab my hands.  
‘Is this really what you want Yuuri? Will you be really happy if I let you go? I can change for you. I will give you everything and I swear that if you give me one more chance I will never betray you again. I realized my mistakes too late and I know that I hurt you but please can you reconsider this?’ I hear the desperation and sincerity in Viktor’s voice. I look back at him and smile with tears in my face. I embrace him tightly and I can feel him do the same.

‘I wish I can stay with you Viktor but I really need this. I need time and space. We can try again, but not now. Let’s fix ourselves first and maybe we can find love again after. If not with each other maybe with another.’ I said to Viktor as I let him go.

I walk towards my baggage and just when I am going to the door, Viktor said something that make my heartbeat skip.

‘I will wait for you then. When you get the time and space you needed. When the wounds I cause finally healed. I will find you and win you back. Even if the time we spent apart makes your feeling for me vanish I will just make you love me again. Cause my love for you Yuuri is the only thing that is constant to me. I know I messed up but I will fix this and I will get you back. That is a promise I will never break Yuuri, so I hope you won’t forget it. I will wait for you.’ Viktor announced to me with a determination in his voice.

‘Okay’ I said to him as I open the door and leave the home we shared together along with a piece of my heart I can never get back from Viktor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this has been very hard for me because I don't really have any experience being in relationship despite my 20 years of breathing oxygen here on earth. But I hope you still able to enjoy it and please tell me what you think. Just be gentle with your comments please. Thank you for your time. bye bye.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating for a very long time. I was really busy with things lately and I sort of forget of this story. Please don't be mad. I hope you will enjoy this chapter though I am not really sure about it. Thank you :)

Yuuri left me.  
The love of my life. The one who gives warmth and colors in my world is now gone.

And it is my fault. I was the reason why I lose the one person who matters to me the most.

I am sitting in our couch staring at nothing and wishing that all that happens is just a nightmare, that I will wake up with yuuri on my side. But no this is reality. No matter how hard and lonely it is, this is real and I have to accept it.

I can feel my tears falling non-stop. I am sobbing like a fucking child. I want to chase yuuri and beg for him to come back but I know that no matter what I do, he will never return to me. 

I know that it is my fault. I am a fuck up person who sleep around with anyone even though I love someone. I've always thought that loving yuuri is enough that I can justify my action because I only love him and no else. All the people I sleep with do not matter because I don’t love them and do not care for them. But now I know how wrong I am. That all along, I was making my love for yuuri an excuse for all of my horrible actions. Love is not enough, you have to be committed and conscious of your choices. 

It is too late to realize this. Yuuri already left me and I can’t do anything about it because I know I deserve it. Why do I have to lose him after I realize all my mistakes? I don’t even know if I will ever have a chance to see him again. But I swear, that if somehow fate gives me another chance, I promise to love yuuri properly and give him all the thing he deserves. To be able to show him how much he means to me, how I want to be with him forever.

~After 2 years~

‘Love wake up, Vitya…’ 

‘Yuuri?’

I open my eyes slowly and sigh deeply. 

‘Just a dream huh. Seems like I can only see you in my dreams now, my love.’

It’s been two years and I still love yuuri. I never heard anything from him since the last time I saw him. I tried to at least know what he’s been up to but it’s as if he completely vanish without trace. I wonder if he still love me or if he at least still think about me. Questions like what he is doing and if he already move on and already have someone, come to my mind sometimes. Every time I go out to places I know he likes, I will always unconsciously try to look for him.

All this time, no matter how hard I tried, I never stop loving him. I have never been in any relationships ever since we broke up because I am still waiting for yuuri, hoping that I will be able to see him again. I also stop sleeping around with others. I guess my break up with yuuri has been my wake up call. Now I am running the company of my family. I started to build my life and improve myself, so that, if I ever meet yuuri again I would be better man. 

As I was driving to work, I suddenly pass someone who look familiar. I park my car suddenly and hurriedly get out of my car. I turn my head and saw him. My heart beat so fast and I feel my eyes watered a bit. I could recognize that back anywhere and anytime. I run to him. I never knew I could ran that fast but somehow I did. I grab his shoulder and I was mesmerize. That beautiful brown eyes, so clear and bright. He look so beautiful and it seems like yesterday since we last saw each other. 

‘yuuri’

I said his name like a prayer, as if I am wishing that he is really right here in front me. His eyes widened and he look surprised to see me. 

‘viktor’

I suddenly hug him tightly. I heard him gasp and I am so happy right now. I miss him so much that I don’t care if other people are staring at us. Yuuri is here and it’s all that matters.

‘It’s you. It’s really you. I miss you so much yuuri.’

I feel him hug me hesitantly and I hug him tighter. He slowly become comfortable in my embrace and I can feel tears in the corner of my eyes.

‘Yes, it’s me’

I hear him say to me and I just know that I will do everything to have this man back in my life. I am willing to give everything to have yuuri stay by my side and never leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not really sure how will I end this story. I was just writing what came on my mind. Anyway, thank you for your time. bye bye :)


End file.
